I had it all. So why was I falling apart?
From the outside, my life looked good. Stable job, loving relationships, a future to plan for. But inside, I was unraveling. My chest felt heavy. My eyes would well up for no reason. Every night, I’d lie awake, wondering why I never felt enough. No matter how much love I gave, I was terrified of being left behind.
I clung to people. I overthought every word. I apologized for my tears.
For years, I thought this was just who I was—too emotional, too needy. But then I discovered the term “anxious attachment,” and everything changed.
This is my anxious attachment story—and the journey to healing that saved me.
.jpg "Healing from anxious attachment through journaling")
The Signs I Ignored for Years
Looking back, the signs were there. A delayed text could ruin my day. A short reply sent me spiraling: Did I say something wrong? If someone needed space, my heart raced. If they were quiet, I assumed I’d messed up.
Even in my happiest moments, a voice whispered: What if they stop loving you? What if this ends?
I thought this was love. I thought worrying meant I cared. I thought over-giving—always being available, always adjusting myself—was how I earned love.
I was wrong.
What Is Anxious Attachment?
Anxious attachment is an attachment style rooted in a deep fear of abandonment. It often stems from early experiences—maybe inconsistent caregiving or moments of feeling unseen. Those with anxious attachment crave closeness but live in fear of losing it. We become hyper-vigilant, overanalyzing every interaction, giving endlessly to feel secure.
For me, it was a pattern I didn’t see until it consumed me. My fear wasn’t about one person—it traced back to childhood moments I barely remembered, like waiting for approval that never came.
The Moment I Hit Rock Bottom
One night, I broke. I was crying again, but this time, it wasn’t about a text or a fight. I was crying because I couldn’t carry the fear anymore. Staring into the mirror, eyes swollen, I whispered, “I can’t live like this.”
That was my rock bottom. But it was also my turning point.
For the first time, I didn’t judge myself for feeling broken. I asked, Why do I feel this way? That question led me to answers—and hope.
How Anxious Attachment Shaped My Life
Anxious attachment wasn’t just in my romantic relationships. It showed up everywhere:
- Friendships: I said yes to everything, terrified of conflict or losing people.
- Communication: I’d reread texts, overanalyze words, and feel guilty for double texting.
- Self-Worth: I tied my value to others’ approval. If someone was upset, I assumed it was my fault.
My mind was a storm of “Am I too much?” and “What did I do wrong?” Even when life was good, I braced for it to fall apart.
The Guilt of Crying and Overthinking
Crying was my secret. In bathrooms, in my car, in the dark—I cried. But worse than the tears was the guilt. I hated myself for being “too emotional.” I called myself weak, clingy, broken.
I’d cry, then feel ashamed for crying. I’d reach out, then feel guilty for needing someone. The spiral felt endless, and I feared I’d always love too much and be loved too little.
How I Started Healing from Anxious Attachment
Healing began when I stopped running from my pain. I started asking hard questions: Is love supposed to feel like panic? Do I have to lose myself to keep others?
Here’s what helped me:
- Journaling: I wrote about my fears, tracing them back to their roots. Questions like “What am I scared of losing?” brought clarity.
- Setting Boundaries: I practiced saying no without guilt, starting small.
- Therapy: A therapist helped me reframe my self-worth and process childhood wounds.
- Self-Compassion: I learned to sit with my emotions without judgment, asking, What is this feeling trying to tell me?
Healing isn’t perfect. Some days, I still overthink. But now, I catch myself. I name the fear. I choose myself.
5 Practical Steps to Heal from Anxious Attachment
- Identify Triggers: Notice when you feel anxious (e.g., a delayed text). Write down what it brings up.
- Practice Self-Soothing: Try deep breathing or grounding exercises when panic hits.
- Set One Boundary: Start small, like saying, “I need some time to think.”
- Challenge Negative Thoughts: Ask, Is this fear based on evidence or assumption?
- Seek Support: A therapist or support group can guide you through the process.
To Anyone Feeling This Way
If your heart feels heavy, you’re not alone. You’re not broken. You’re not “too much.” Your anxious attachment is a survival mechanism, not a flaw. You can choose healing. You can choose boundaries. You can choose love that feels safe.
My Ongoing Journey
I’m still healing. Some days, I slip back into old patterns. But I don’t hate myself for it anymore. I hold space for the younger me who just wanted to be loved. I’m learning to rest in my own presence.
This is my anxious attachment story. It’s not over, but it’s no longer a story of fear—it’s one of hope.
Have you experienced anxious attachment? Share your story in the comments—I’d love to hear from you.
