When Was the Last Time You Listened to Your Inner Child?
The bathroom floor was cold against my bare feet. I sat there, tears streaming, clutching a crumpled tissue over a forgotten birthday that shouldn’t have mattered. But it did. It wasn’t just me crying—it was the little girl inside, the one who once waited for someone to show up, to care, to see her. That moment cracked me open, forcing me to face a truth I’d ignored for years: I’d been neglecting my inner child.
Have you ever felt a pang you couldn’t explain? A quiet ache that lingers, even when life seems “fine”? That’s your inner child, whispering for attention. Most of us rush through life—hustling, achieving, surviving—unaware of the wounded child within who’s still carrying old hurts, waiting to be heard.
This post isn’t about quick fixes or empty platitudes. It’s about raw, honest truth. Here are 10 signs you might be neglecting your inner child—and practical, compassionate steps to start healing today. If these resonate, you’re not alone. Healing is closer than you think.
Why Inner Child Healing Matters
Before we dive into the signs, let’s talk about why this matters. Your inner child isn’t just a metaphor—it’s the part of you that holds your earliest memories, emotions, and beliefs about the world. When that child feels unseen or unloved, it shapes how you love, trust, and value yourself as an adult. Ignoring these wounds can lead to patterns like anxiety, self-sabotage, or burnout. Healing your inner child isn’t just self-care; it’s a radical act of reclaiming your wholeness.
10 Signs You’re Neglecting Your Inner Child
1. You Dismiss Your Emotions as “Too Much”
You cry at a movie or feel rage over a small slight, then scold yourself: “Stop being so dramatic.” Maybe as a kid, you heard, “Don’t cry” or “You’re too sensitive.” So you learned to bury your feelings.
Real Talk: Suppressing emotions isn’t strength—it’s survival. Your inner child is exhausted from hiding.Try This: Next time you feel “too much,” pause. Name the emotion (e.g., “I’m sad”). Ask, “What does my inner child need right now?”
Reflection: Does this sound like you? When did you first learn your feelings weren’t okay?
2. You Struggle to Trust Others (or Yourself)
You keep people at arm’s length, expecting betrayal. Or you doubt your own decisions, second-guessing every step.
Behind the Behavior: A wounded inner child learned love comes with pain, so isolation feels safer.Try This: Write down one person you want to trust. Start small—share a small vulnerability and notice how it feels.
Reflection: What’s the hardest part about trusting for you?
3. You Overachieve to Feel Worthy
You chase promotions, accolades, or perfection, but it’s never enough. Deep down, you’re terrified you’re not enough.
The Inner Cry: “See me. Approve of me. Love me.”Try This: Celebrate a small win without tying it to your worth. Say, “I’m proud of myself for trying.”
Reflection: When do you feel most “not enough”?
4. You People-Please Even When It Hurts
You say yes when your heart screams no. You shrink to keep others comfortable, even if it drains you.
The Child Within: Learned love was conditional, so they perform to earn it.Try This: Practice saying “no” in a low-stakes situation. Notice how it feels to honor your needs.
Reflection: Who are you afraid to disappoint?
5. You Struggle to Rest Without Guilt
Rest feels like laziness. You’re only “worthy” when you’re productive, so downtime makes you anxious.
Old Blueprint: If you were praised only for doing, rest feels unsafe.Try This: Schedule 10 minutes of guilt-free rest. Tell yourself, “I deserve this.”
Reflection: What stops you from resting?
6. You Fear Rejection Deeply
A critique or a friend’s silence feels like abandonment. You overanalyze every interaction, bracing for rejection.
Wounded Root: The child who felt unseen still craves validation.Try This: When rejection stings, journal about it. Ask, “What story am I telling myself?”
Reflection: What’s one rejection that still hurts?
7. You Sabotage Good Things
When life feels good, you wait for the other shoe to drop. You might push away love or quit before succeeding.
Inner Logic: “If I destroy it first, it won’t hurt as much.”Try This: When you feel the urge to sabotage, pause. Ask, “What am I protecting myself from?”
Reflection: What good thing are you afraid to lose?
8. You Feel Disconnected from Joy
Play feels childish. Laughter feels forced. You can’t remember the last time you felt wonder.
Silent Grief: Your joyful inner child hasn’t been invited out in years.Try This: Do one thing you loved as a kid—dance, draw, or stargaze. Let it be messy.
Reflection: What brought you joy as a child?
9. You Avoid Looking at Your Past
You say, “The past is the past,” but your triggers tell a different story. Old wounds show up in your reactions.
Truth Bomb: What you ignore controls you. Healing starts when you face it.Try This: Write one memory that feels heavy. Let yourself feel without judgment.
Reflection: What part of your past feels hardest to face?
10. You Feel a Persistent Emptiness
Success, love, friends—yet something’s missing. A quiet ache lingers, a void you can’t name.
The Ache: It’s your inner child, waiting for you to come home.Try This: Place your hand on your heart. Whisper, “I see you. I’m here now.”
Reflection: What does this emptiness feel like for you?
How to Start Healing Your Inner Child Today
Healing your inner child isn’t about fixing yourself—it’s about coming home to who you’ve always been. Here are five compassionate, actionable steps to begin:
- Write a Letter to Your Inner Child: Address them by name. Tell them you see their pain and you’re here now. Be specific—mention a memory that hurts. (Example: “I’m sorry you felt alone when no one came to your school play.”)
- Practice Self-Compassion: When you’re harsh with yourself, pause. Speak as you would to a young child: “It’s okay to mess up. I love you anyway.”
- Reconnect with Play: Rediscover what lit you up as a kid. Paint, sing, or run through a field. Let it feel silly—it’s supposed to.
- Journal Your Triggers: When you’re upset, ask, “How old do I feel right now?” This helps you identify when your inner child is speaking.
- Seek Support: A therapist or inner child workbook (like Homecoming by John Bradshaw) can guide you deeper.
Why This Journey Is Worth It
Healing your inner child doesn’t erase the past—it transforms how you carry it. You’ll trust more deeply, rest without guilt, and rediscover joy. You’ll feel whole, not because you’re perfect, but because you’re finally home to yourself.
Take the Next Step
Ready to go deeper? explore my post, 7 Proven Practices to Heal Your Inner Child and Boost Self-Love , for more tools to nurture your emotional wellness.
You are not broken. You are becoming whole.
Author: Loved & Found
