Why Social Media Is Stealing Your Joy (And How to Take It Back)

The Scroll That Sinks Your Heart

It’s 10 p.m. You’re curled up in bed, phone in hand, scrolling through Instagram. A friend’s tropical vacation pops up, followed by a colleague’s “just got promoted” post, and then some influencer’s flawless morning routine. Suddenly, your cozy night feels… empty. You’re not sure why, but a quiet sadness creeps in. Sound familiar? I’ve been there, too—thumb on the screen, heart sinking, wondering, “Why does social media make me sad?”

You’re not alone. A 2023 study from the American Psychological Association found that 60% of young adults feel worse about themselves after using social media. Searches for “social media and depression” and “social media detox” are skyrocketing as people like you and me try to understand why a tool meant to connect us often leaves us feeling lonelier, anxious, or just blah. Here’s the truth: social media isn’t inherently evil, but the way it’s designed—and the way we use it—can hijack our emotions. In this post, I’m sharing why social media makes you sad (backed by science) and seven actionable steps to take back your joy. Whether you’re ready for a full social media detox or just want to scroll smarter, this guide is for you. Let’s find your way back to feeling loved and found —offline and in real life.

1. The Comparison Trap: Everyone Else Looks Happier

Let’s start with the big one: comparison. Social media is a highlight reel. You see your high school friend’s dreamy wedding, a coworker’s new house, or a stranger’s perfectly toned gym selfie. What you don’t see? The argument they had before the photo, the debt behind the house, or the hours of editing for that “effortless” glow. This curated perfection triggers what psychologists call upward social comparison—when you measure your life against someone else’s best moments. A 2021 study in Computers in Human Behavior found that frequent social media use increases feelings of inadequacy, especially among women aged 18-35. I felt this firsthand last year when I scrolled past a friend’s “I’m living my best life” post while I was stuck in a job I hated. It stung. What to Do - Reframe the Narrative: When you feel that pang of envy, pause and say, “This is their highlight, not their reality.” Their post isn’t your failure. - Curate Ruthlessly: Unfollow accounts that make you feel “less than.” Follow creators who share real, messy moments—think accounts like @rawmotherhood or @thebirdspapaya for unfiltered vibes. - Celebrate Your Wins: Write down three things you’re proud of each day, no matter how small. It’s a reminder your life is enough.

2. Doomscrolling Drains Your Soul

Ever fall down a rabbit hole of bad news, heated arguments, or clickbait headlines? That’s doomscrolling, and it’s a mood-killer. Your brain isn’t wired to process an endless stream of global crises, polarized opinions, or viral drama in one sitting. A 2022 study from the University of California found that excessive exposure to negative online content increases stress and anxiety. I remember spending an hour on Twitter during a news cycle, absorbing every take on a political event. By the end, I was exhausted, irritable, and sad—for no reason tied to my actual life. That’s the emotional overload talking. What to Do: - Set Time Limits: Use your phone’s screen-time feature to cap social media at 20-30 minutes per session. I set mine to 15 minutes in the morning and evening—it’s a game-changer. - Create a “Joy Feed”: Follow accounts that spark happiness, like @upworthy or @tanksgoodnews. Balance the heavy with the light. - Take a Break : If a post triggers you, close the app. Take five deep breaths or step outside. Your brain needs a reset.

3. The Like = Worth Lie

Raise your hand if you’ve ever posted something, checked back obsessively for likes, and felt crushed when it flopped. 🙋‍♀️ Been there. Social media trains us to tie our worth to notifications. A 2019 study in *The Lancet Child & Adolescent Health* linked low social media engagement to lower self-esteem in teens and young adults. I used to agonize over why a heartfelt post got three likes while a silly meme got 50. It made me question my value—until I realized likes don’t measure my worth. They measure an algorithm’s whim. What to Do: - Post for You: Share what feels authentic, not what’s “likeable.” I started posting unfiltered thoughts on my Stories, and the real connections I got back were worth more than 100 likes. - Turn Off Notifications: Disable like and comment alerts for a week. It breaks the validation cycle. - Focus on IRL: Spend time with people who value you for *you*, not your follower count. A coffee date beats a double-tap any day.

4. Filters and Fakery Warp Your Reality

Social media is a funhouse mirror. Filters smooth skin, editing apps sculpt bodies, and staged photos create a fantasy world. Over time, this distorts how you see yourself *and* others. A 2020 study in *Body Image* found that exposure to edited images increases body dissatisfaction, especially among young women. I fell into this trap when I started comparing my real-life skin to influencers’ airbrushed faces. It wasn’t until I saw a “no filter” post from a creator I admired that I realized how fake it all is. What to Do: - Seek Realness: Follow accounts that embrace authenticity, like @bodyposipanda or @effyourbeautystandards. They remind you “perfect” isn’t real. - Ditch the Filters: Try posting a raw, unedited photo or Story. It’s scary but liberating. - Limit Visual Apps: If Instagram’s glossy images hit hard, spend more time on text-based platforms like Twitter or Reddit for a break.

5. Connection That Feels Like Isolation

Social media promises connection, but it often delivers the opposite. Scrolling feels like socializing, yet you’re alone on your couch. A 2017 study in *American Journal of Preventive Medicine* found that heavy social media use correlates with higher feelings of loneliness. I noticed this when I spent an evening liking friends’ posts but didn’t actually talk to anyone. I went to bed feeling disconnected, despite “interacting” for hours. Real connection requires more than a heart emoji. What to Do: - Swap Scrolls for Calls: Text or call a friend instead of liking their post. I started weekly phone chats with my bestie, and it’s been a lifeline. - Join IRL Communities: Find a local book club, yoga class, or volunteer group. Face-to-face bonds beat online ones. - Use DMs Wisely: Slide into someone’s DMs with a meaningful message, not just a reaction. It sparks real conversation.

6. The Dopamine Addiction Cycle

Every like, retweet, or notification is a tiny dopamine hit—a feel-good chemical that keeps you coming back. Social media apps are designed to be addictive, like slot machines. A 2021 Harvard study warned that this cycle can harm mental health, increasing anxiety and depression over time. I used to check my phone every five minutes, craving that next notification. It wasn’t until I went a day without it that I realized how hooked I was. What to Do: - Try a Mini-Detox: Start with 24 hours off social media. Notice how your mood shifts. I felt calmer and clearer after just one day. - Use Apps to Break the Habit: Tools like Freedom or StayFocusd block social media during set hours. I use Freedom to lock myself out after 8 p.m. - Replace the Habit: Swap scrolling for a dopamine boost like reading, walking, or even a quick dance party. It’s just as satisfying, minus the crash.

7. Algorithms Amplify the Negative

Social media algorithms are built to keep you engaged, often by feeding you content that sparks strong emotions—anger, fear, or envy. A 2022 MIT study found that negative content spreads faster because it grabs attention. That’s why your feed feels like a rollercoaster of drama and comparison. I used to get sucked into comment sections filled with arguments, leaving me drained. The algorithm doesn’t care about your mental health—it cares about your clicks. What to Do: - Reset Your Algorithm: Like and engage with positive, uplifting content to train your feed. I started hearting posts from @we_rate_dogs, and my mood improved. - Mute the Noise: Mute accounts or keywords that stress you out. Twitter’s mute feature is a lifesaver for avoiding toxic debates. - Go Incognito: Use social media without logging in to avoid algorithm-driven content. It’s a quick way to break the cycle. Conclusion: Reclaim Your Joy, One Step at a Time Social media isn’t the villain, but it’s not your best friend either. It’s a tool—one you can control. By understanding why social media makes you sad (comparison, overload, addiction, and more), you can make intentional choices to protect your mental health. Start small: unfollow one toxic account, set a 20-minute scroll limit, or call a friend instead of liking their post. These steps add up. At Loved & Found, we believe life is lived in the moments that matter—your morning coffee, a laugh with a loved one, the quiet beauty of your own path. Social media can’t capture that. So take a deep breath, put down your phone, and remember: you are enough, exactly as you are.